Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
