just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
