I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
