just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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