kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
