just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
