You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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