You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
