your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
not ubering you a puppy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
