she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
