Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
