Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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