too bad you live with your parents still
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
