i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
