Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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