My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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