she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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