We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize