I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
