tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
