Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize