Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize