I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
