just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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