soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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