Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
