you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
