Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
