nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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