Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
