Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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