Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
