NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
