Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
