I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize