I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
