I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
