She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
