mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
