Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
