someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
