so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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