arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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