Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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