Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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