Apparently you make a good broom.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
