My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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