FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
