I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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