So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
