the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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