i wish my penis had a tongue
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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