I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
