Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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