alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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