wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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