It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
