You smell like stripper and shame
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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