I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
