I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
