just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
