i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
