i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
