I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
PANTIES FOUND
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
