i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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