I think I died a long time ago.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
