He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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