how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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