Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Randomize
