I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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