my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
