Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
