I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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